Ninjas meet Half Life!
by X DarthMonkey X
Summary: The citezens of Konoha have discovered the wonder of online gaming, and the biggest hit is a Half Life mod called Shinobi Strike. Random pedophile internet predators, underpantsless senseis and... Vash the Stampede? Completely pointless.


**The latest craze in Konoha? Half-Life! A new mod simply called "Shinobi-Strike" has just about every ninja in the village at war with each other on Konoha's standalone server. Watch as the hilarity ensues!**

**Here's something I've had bouncing around in my head for months, and I decided to write it. I'm posting it today and letting Runaways wait until next week. Sorry all.**

If you've never played a first-person online shooter, then read this little explanation real fast:

Server messages are messages that everyone sees. The server messages tell what is going on, if anyone has joined the game, if anyone has died (and how they died) and all sorts of other things.

**Names** are quite simply, the character's nickname inside the game.

Normal messages are messages that everyone sees. These messages are displayed next to the name of the player who typed it.

**See if you can guess who everyone is!**

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

Golden-Boy Has joined the game.

**Golden-Boy:** nobody here...

Blind-Eyes Has joined the game.

**Golden-Boy:** finally!

**Blind-Eyes: **Hi...

**Blind-Eyes:** I'm new to this game...

Blind-Eyes did a swan dive into a bottomless pit.

**Golden-Boy: **lol

**Blind-Eyes:** I didn't know that would happen...

Dark-Avenger Has connected.

Dark-Avenger Has joined the game.

**Golden-Boy: **yo

**Dark-Avenger:** leave me alone. I'm not accepting challenges right now

**Golden-Boy: **Then why are you here? -.-

**Dark-Avenger:** to see if anyone is worthy of fighting me

You're-All-Crazy Has connected.

You're-All-Crazy Has joined the game.

**You're-All-Crazy:** Yo

**Golden-Boy: **yo

**Dark-Avenger: **Hmph

**Blind-Eyes:** Hi

Golden-Boy stabbed Dark Avenger to death.

**Dark-Avenger: **WTF!

**Golden-Boy: **you were just sitting there...

**Dark-Avenger: **LAME!

**You're-All-Crazy: **There's no rules against that in this server.

**Dark-Avenger: **REVENGE!

Dark-Avenger beat Golden-Boy to death with a wooden bat.

**Golden-Boy: **DIE!

**Blind-Eyes:** ...

Dark-Avenger gouged Golden-Boy's eyes out.

**Golden-Boy: **WTF! I was a mile away!

**Dark-Avenger: **Pick up a weapon, moron. There's these things called "shuriken"

I-Luv-Sasuke Has connected.

**Dark-Avenger: **Oh crap...

I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE! Has connected.

**Golden-Boy: **lol

Dark-Avenger changed his name to Annoying-Little-Boy.

I-Luv-Sasuke Has joined the game.

I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE! Has joined the game.

**Annoying-Little-Boy: **There's no "Sasuke" here... you're at the wrong server.

**I-Luv-Sasuke: **I'll just wait for him

**I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE:** I'll wait longer!

**Golden-Boy:** This is a fighting game... let's fight

**Blind-Eyes:** I'll try...

Blind-Eyes has mutilated I-Luv-Sasuke.

Blind-Eyes blew up I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE! with a lemon.

**Golden-Boy: **OO

**Annoying-Little-Boy: **thanks

**You're-All-Crazy: **holy...

**Blind-Eyes:** I guess I'm good at this game

Troublesome... has connected.

Food has connected.

**I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE**: what are those two doing here...

Troublesome... has joined the game.

Food has joined the game

**Troublesome...: **I hear this game is fun (fun is troublesome)

Flame-of-Youth has connected.

**Troublesome...: **Oh... I wonder who THAT could be. (troublesome people are coming)

Your-Fate-is-Defeat has connected

**Golden-Boy: **Damned fatalist...

No-Last-Name has connected.

**Blind-Eyes: **you know... what IS tenten's last name?

Flame-of-Youth has joined the game.

Your-Fate-is-Defeat has joined the game.

No-Last-Name has joined the Spectators..

**Golden-Boy:** Oh come on, it's no fun just watching, you have to play!

**(Spectator) No-Last-Name: **That's okay, I'm fine here.

Underwear-is-for-Squares has connected.

**GoldenBoy: **... wtf

**Annoying-Little-Boy: **wtf?

**I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE:** wtf...

**I-Luv-Sasuke:** ewwww

Underwear-is-for-Squares has joined the game.

**(Spectator) No-Last-Name: **we don't need to know that... (The underwear thing)

**Flame-of-Youth:** WEARING NO UNDERPANTS IS YOUTHFUL!

Flame-of-Youth has removed his underwear.

**Troublesome...: **wow...

**You're-All-Crazy:** I didn't even know that was possible in this game

**Troublesome...: **Apparently, it is possible.

Your-Fate-is-Defeat has joined the spectators.

**(Spectator) Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **I'm not participating in this.

**(Spectator) No-Last-Name: **You catch on quick

**Flame-of-Youth:** I AM YOUTHFULLLLL!

**Underwear-is-for-Squares: **YES, MY PUPIL!

Underwear-is-for-Squares has been kicked. Reason: "do I need one?"

**Flame-of-Youth: **GAI-SENSEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIII!

**Golden-Boy: **YAY!

**Annoying-Little-Boy: **Good riddance...

**Annoying-Little-Boy: **wait... there's an admin here? KICK SAKURA AND INO!

**I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE: **WHY?

**I-Luv-Sasuke: **GASP! YOU ARE SASUKE!

**Annoying-Little-Boy: **duh... KICK THEM!

**Annoying-Little-boy: **BAN THEMM!

I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE has been temporarily banned. Reason: "Sasuke wanted me to"

I-Luv-Sasuke has been temporarily banned. Reason: "Sasuke wanted me to"

Annoying-Little-Boy changed his name to Dark-Avenger

**(Spectator) Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **Coward...

**Dark-Avenger: **You're the coward. You're not even playing, you're just floating around as a spectator!

**(Spectator) Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **This game is boring. I'm only here to see if anyone can beat me at it.

**Flame-of-Youth: **I AM YOUTHFULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Flame-of-Youth's unprotected genitals were caught on a spiky object and he died.

**You're-All-Crazy: **That was... specific.

**Troublesome...:** Hey, "food", press the T key to talk

**Food:** ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh (munch munch)

**You're-All-Crazy: **Guys, the point of this game is to fight...

**Dark-Avenger: **It looks more like a chat room where you can kill ppl.

I-Want-Your-Body has connected.

Take-My-Body has connected.

**Blind-Eyes: **Who are they?

**Dark-Avenger: **Just a gay pedophiliac internet predator and his little bitch

I-Want-Your-Body has joined the game.

Take-My-Body has joined the game.

**I-Want-Your-Body: **HAHAHA! I have finally hacked into konoha's server. Now I will rape Sasuke-kun in a virtual universe!

**Take-My-body: **how are you playing this game... your arms don't work...

**I-Want-Your-Body: **stfu

Gametype changed to: Team Deathmatch.

Kill Limit changed to: 10.

Dark-Avenger has joined the red team.

**Dark-Avenger: **Hey, fate boy. Join the red team. We can take them all on!

**(Spectator) Your-Fate-is-Defeat:** Everyone against me and avenger!

Your-Fate-is-Defeat has joined the red team.

Golden-Boy has joined the blue team.

Blind-Eyes has joined the blue team.

No-Last-Name has joined the blue team.

You're-All-Crazy has joined the spectators.

**(Spectator) You're-All-Crazy: **I'll just watch

I-Want-Your-Body has joined the pink team.

**(Spectator) You're-All-Crazy: **wtf? There's a pink team?

**Dark-Avenger: **that guy is soooo gay

Take-My-Body has joined the pink team.

**Golden-Boy: **Wow... how do they do that anyway?

**I-Want-Your-Body: **I hacked the server, remember?

I-Want-Your-Body has been kicked. Reason: "HAXXOR!" _(A/N: HAXXOR hacker)_

Take-My-Body has been kicked. Reason: "HAXXOR's little bitch!"

I-Want-Your-Body has connected.

I-Want-Your-Body has been kicked.

I-Want-Your-Body has connected.

I-Want-Your-Body has been kicked.

I-Want-Your-Body has connected.

I-Want-Your-Body has been kicked.

I-Want-Your-Body has connected.

I-Want-Your-Body has been kicked.

I-Want-Your-Body has connected.

I-Want-Your-Body has been permanently banned. Reason: "Fag..."

**Dark-Avenger:** "Fag" is right

Troublesome... has joined the red team.

**Dark-Avenger: **wtf? I didn't say you could join this team! You have to go the blue team and fight against me and fate!

**Troublesome...:** the other team is going to lose, losing is troublesome.

**Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **Isn't winning troublesome as well?

**Troublesome...: **...

**Troublesome...: **damn

Troublesome... has left the game. Reason: "too troublesome"

Flame-of-Youth has joined the blue team.

**Flame-of-Youth:** MY GENITALS ARE BACK! ITS A MIRACLE!

**Dark-Avenger: **You can take caps lock off

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

**Flame-of-Youth: **CAPS LOCK IS YOUTHFULL!

Flame-of-Youth has been silenced by the admin. Reason: "Isn't it obvious?"

Flame-of-Youth did a backflip into the lava.

**Your-Fate-is-Defeat:** I think he is punishing himself for something...

Flame-of-Youth did a backflip into the lava.

**Dark-Avenger:** Will we ever get to the fight?

Flame-of-Youth did a backflip into the lava.

**Blind-Eyes: **Should we un-mute him?

**Dark-Avenger:** no

**No-Last-Name: **NO!

**Golden-Boy: **nah

**Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **no

**(Spectator) You're-All-Crazy: **Well there's your answer...

Buggz-RUL3 has connected.

FangZOR has connected.

**(Spectator) Buggz-RUL3: **Which team?

**(Spectator) FangZOR:** which team?

**(Spectator) FangZOR: **damn, he got it first

**Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **It's everyone vs me and avenger

Buggz-RUL3 has joined the blue team.

FangZOR has joined the blue team.

**You're-All-Crazy:** Alright, so whenever you're ready to fight, you're supposed to press that little "ready to fight" button

**Blind-Eyes: **I did

**Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **yeah, I know.

**Dark-Avenger: **Naruto, press the stupid button...

**Golden-Boy: **oh... hehehehehehe, THAT button.

The game has started.

_**A little while later:**_

Deathmatch over. Final score – Red: -3, Blue: 10, Pink: 2

**You're-All-Crazy: **Well I'll be damned... there really is a pink team

**Dark-Avenger: **That didn't count...

**Dark-Avenger: **You guys cheated

**Dark-Avenger: **you must have cheated if we got less points than a team that doesn't exist

**Golden-Boy: **stfu

Dark-Avenger threw Golden-Boy into the lava.

**You're-All-Crazy: **Let's change the map.

**Golden-Boy: **okay

**Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **sure

**Blind-Eyes: **... what? Map...? like a paper map?

Map changed to: "Konoha Streets"

Icha-Icha-Tactician has connected.

Icha-Icha-Tactician has joined the game.

**Icha-Icha-Tactician: **fufufufufufufufufuffufuffufufu... everyone else is still loading the map. Luckily my computer is very fast (that means faster access to porn, fufufu)

**Icha-Icha-Tactician: **Time to test my spraypaint decal hack... HENTAI PICTURES WILL DECORATE THE VIRTUAL WALLS OF KONOHA!

_(A/N: Spraypaint is in several online games. You can assign a key to "spray" an image (or a "decal") onto a wall in the game. Most games have several pictures available, but you can't add any. That's why he has that "hack")_

Blind-Eyes has joined the game.

Buggz-RUL3 has joined the game.

**Blind-Eyes: **W-WHAT IS THIS!

**Buggz-RUL3: **It would appear to be hentai...

**Buggz-RUL3: **here's one with you and Naruto.

FangZOR has joined the game.

**FangZOR:** ALL RIGHT!

**FangZOR: **PR0n!

**Blind-Eyes:** OMG!

**Buggz-RUL3: **That's not the best thing to say around her...

Golden-Boy has joined the game.

**Golden-Boy: **Holy shit!

**Icha-Icha-Tactician: **Finished. How do you like it everyone?

Your-Fate-is-Defeat has joined the game.

Flame-of-Youth has joined the game.

Flame-of-Youth has left the game. Reason: "scarred for life"

**Your-Fate-is-Defeat: **judging by the smut on the walls everywhere, I am guessing that tactician is Kakashi

You're-All-Crazy has joined the game.

Dark-Avenger has joined the game.

**You're-All-Crazy: **wtf?

**You're-All-Crazy: **who did this?

**Dark-Avenger: **Kakashi you pervert...

**Icha-Icha-Tactician:** Haha, yes, I AM THE ONE WHO GLORIFIED THIS VIRTUAL WORLD WITH PORN!

Icha-Icha-Tactician has been a bad boy and will now be punished.

**Icha-Icha-Tactician: **Why can't I move? Why do I look dead on the ground?

**You're-All-Crazy:** I punished you. I AM THE ADMIN BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

**You're-All-Crazy: **no hentai allowed. I'll erase all of it now.

**You're-All-Crazy: **it should be gone now.

**You're-All-Crazy: **Now everyone kick tactician's lifeless body.

Icha-Icha-Tactician was pummeled to death by an angry mob.

**Dark-Avenger: **Hey, we all got a point for that!

**Golden-Boy: **sweet!

Golden-Boy kicked Dark-Avenger in the nads and killed him.

**Golden-Boy: **Hey, I got a point for that!

**Dark-Avenger: **Damn you...

The-Sexy-One has connected.

I-Hate-Jiraiya has connected.

The-Sexy-One has joined the game.

I-Hate-Jiraiya has joined the game.

**I-Hate-Jiraiya: **hehehehehehehehehe, I can play this game all I want and nobody will know!

**The-Sexy-One:** You're Tsunade...

**I-Hate-Jiraiya:** !

**I-Hate-Jiraiya: **DAMN!

I-Hate-Jiraiya has left the game. Reason: "I got caught..."

Vash-The-Stampede has connected.

Vash-The-Stampede has joined the game.

**Vash-The-Stampede: **LOVE AND PEACE!

**Dark-Avenger: **Gay fag hippie...

**Vash-The-Stampede: ** :O

**You're-All-Crazy: **Sorry, vash. This server is only for Naruto characters

**Vash-The-Stampede: **oh, sorry.

**Blind-Eyes: **That's okay.

Vash-The-Stampede has left the game. Reason: "Well I'm the star of trigun so I pwn you anyway"

**You're-All-Crazy: **He would've annihilated us all

**You're-All-Crazy: **So anyway...

**You're-All-Crazy: **The server needs to be turned off for a few hours. So I guess that means game over for now.

GAME OVER

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

**So what did you think? It's short, I know, but I only wrote it in two days. Here a list of all the names and who they are. Leave a review and tell me how many you got!**

**1 Golden-Boy: Naruto**

**2 Blind-Eyes: Hinata**

**3 Dark-Avenger and Annoying-Little-Boy: Sasuke**

**4 Food: Chouji**

**5 Troublesome...: Shikamaru**

**6 No-Last-Name: TenTen**

**7 Flame-of-Youth: Lee**

**8 Your-Fate-is-Defeat: Neji**

**9 Underwear-is-for-Squares: Gai**

**10 Icha-Icha-Tactician: Kakashi**

**11 Buggz-RUL3: Shino**

**12 FangZOR: Kiba**

**13 I-Luv-Sasuke: Sakura**

**14 I-Luv-Sasuke-MORE: Ino**

**15 I-Want-Your-Body: Orochimaru**

**16 Take-My-Body: Kabuto**

**17 The-Sexy-One: Jiraiya**

**18 I-Hate-Jiraiya: Tsunade**

**19 Vash-The-Stampede: Vash the Stampede**

**And last but not least:**

**20 You're-All-Crazy (admin): X DarthMonkey X (me)  
**

**REVIEWWWWW!**


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